Transitions

I am sitting in our new office for the first time today, and I have found that the first thing I'm wanting to do is to decorate...not put the bulletin together, not call the parishioners and start getting to know them, though that is very high on the list, not looking through the copious amounts of files the interim pastor has left for our information. I'm needing to start with the simple task of somehow making this space my own, even though I will be sharing it with Mark. Within this space, I find myself designating "his" and "her" bookshelves, "his" and "her" drawers in the desk, "his" and "her" hangers for our robes and stoles. The previous pastors have left books here and I don't want to go through them, I just want them out. I tried to hang up the wind chimes that Jonelle gave me at my installation at Bethel today. I couldn't quite reach the ceiling hook, even standing precariously poised on a shelf of the book shelf. This little thing felt huge to me...I had to figure out a way to get the wind chimes hung. I needed to have this piece of my extended family hanging in the room with me. It is, at moments, exciting to be doing this, claiming this place in my own way. At other times it is a bit alarming - how did I get here? Will we do a good job? Will we be okay? Why can't I reach the hook on the ceiling?

It started me thinking about what makes a person feel safe or okay. Is it having four walls around you? Is it familiarity with the streets and places? Is it the people whom you know and connect with? Your family? Is it ownership - this book is mine or that windchime is mine? Is it a sense of self - who we are, or what we do, or our values? What helps us feel comfortable? What gives our lives stability and a sense of grounding?

For me, it is a combination of all these things. Finding the Trader Joe's helped me connect with my values around food choices. Having a few people over for a meeting, being able to serve tea and cookies and just have them sit around our familiar table helped me connect with my sense of identity and self as a person who enjoys being hospitable and social. When my windchimes are finally hung, that will help me connect with those people from far away who are still so important as does having access to the internet and the phone which helps connect me locally as well. Visiting the sanctuary and playing on the piano has helped me connect with my musical self. Watching familiar movies on our DVD player has helped me to remember that amidst the changes, some things stay the same. My faith always keeps me focused on the bigger picture of our connections with all life, no matter where we are or what we are doing. And of course, having the children around me constantly has been a wonderful reminder of the "whys" surrounding this change. For today that is enough. Tomorrow a new adventure will begin.