Discernment

I've been thinking the last few days about the idea of "call". I love the definition "the place where the world's greatest need and your greatest passion intersect". Several people have said this, some give credit to Frederick Buechner, though I'm not sure he is the originator. But I've always loved that definition. However, as I've thought about it, I guess I'm no longer convinced that it is always true. There are too many people about whom we've heard who clearly have a gift for a particular craft or profession, who have served the world with that gift and have answered the world's need with it, but who do not really enjoy the activity. I know of this being the case with many musicians - prodigies about whom we've heard that making music is even painful, for one reason or another. But for whom it is clearly their gift. I remember reading about an amazing musician who talked about how he heard the music that he composed in his head all the time. He never felt that he created it: it always felt like he was more a channel or a conduit for these pieces of music. He felt forced to write down the music he heard in his head; he had to get it out on paper or it wouldn't stop "haunting" him. This haunting was not pleasant, but it was part of his life, part of what he had to do. Isn't that a "call" even if it is not the call he would have chosen?

On the other side of this, we know of people, like many of the singers who audition on American Idol, who have a "passion" but have no gift for it. Or all the millions of "writers" now who cannot get books published, or cannot get them sold, because they do not have the gift at one level or another.

More and more I'm coming to believe that it is a luxury to be in a situation where your passion can find outlet in serving the needs of the world and where your passion actually matches your gifts and your situation. Most of the people in the world can only focus on survival. It doesn't matter what their passion is: they have to put food on the table for their families, and that is their "call" at that moment. For those in the next economic step, they have work, but again, it is a work that provides, not a work that is satisfying or fulfilling of a call. When you look at sheer percentages, it is a small number who find true joy in their work, whose circumstances and whose gifts match their passions, and even fewer whose passions then match the 'needs of the world'.

For those who might have the opportunities to live out their passion in service to the world, I still find myself considering the complexities of the idea of "call". Presbyterians believe that "call" is discerned in community. Yes, that community includes the person who is the center of that call, but they are but one piece of that puzzle. As I said above, there is good reason for this. Two examples immediately come to mind: both surrounding people whose passion was for ministry, but... One was a person who was clearly mentally ill but believed they were called into the ministry. The community discerned that there was no way they were capable of handling the challenges of ministry. This person went on to a different denomination which does not have the same understanding of discernment and has injured countless people as a result. The other was a sexual predator who wanted to use that place of the power of ministry to abuse the women and children under him. These were people, again, whose "passion" did not match their "call." You could stretch the saying above and say, "well, this is an example of when the world's greatest need could not be filled by that person's greatest passion" and there is truth in that (especially with the second individual) but it is also the case that their gifts did not match their passion.

The examples I've given above are negative examples. What about the use of community to help someone discern what their call is instead of what their call is not. I don't think this happens as often, but I think there is great value in it. A personal example of this: I never saw myself going into music ministry or doing music of any kind professionally. I therefore did not study music in college. I hate to practice. I don't like the solitary exercise of playing music alone. I've never enjoyed it, and therefore I didn't and don't do it. I can't make myself practice. None the less, I enjoy playing music with others and so eventually the community discerned for me that this was part of my call. People kept offering me music jobs, or asking me to apply for music jobs. Otherwise, I would not have done it for the last 25 years. I'm not a great musician, in part because I won't practice. But I am a musician who has worked at it professionally for many years because of the discernment of the community around me. Music is a part of my call, though again, it is not something I would have chosen or ever identified as my "passion". On the other hand, I have identified my passion as being for social justice, though I don't seem to be very gifted at the leadership or job aspects of it. I do it as a volunteer, I preach about it, but as a vocation? I won't give the countless examples, just trust me that this is not my gift, though it absolutely is my passion. This, too, the community helped me to understand. This is not a recognition I came to on my own.

But this brings up another part of the complexity of discernment: what if one part of a job is your passion and your call, but other parts aren't? How do you go about finding the "perfect" call that matches your passion, your gifts and the world's need? Or what if you are gifted at the job, but the place doesn't feel right? How do you discern call?

I continue to believe that God is talking for any who would listen. And I continue to believe that God speaks both through individuals and through community. Sometimes God speaks through circumstances as well: pushing us to be more, or do different, or try something new that we may not have sought. But sometimes, we find ourselves in situations that just plain are not "calls". In response, we have to stop fearing speaking the voice that we hear, sharing the discernment with others that we gain; we have to trust the god-voice within us to be part of discernment for our selves and for our community, no matter what the final decisions that are made. We aren't in charge of the outcome, only our part of the process. Let that part of the process be a faithful one!