I've been reflecting today on the abundance of blessings that daily surround us. Yes, life is full of trials. It is also full of so much grace. Yes, it is full of struggles, but it is also full of victories. Yes, it is full of injustices, but it is also full of undeserved generosity. It is full of inequalities; sometimes people get much less than is fair, but also sometimes we are given so much more than we could ever truly earn or even wish for. Yes, people act out of fear and selfishness at times. Other times, people act with the greatest of bravery and are selfless in ways that move me to tears. Today I have found myself thinking that it is at times just as hard to accept the blessings in life as it is to accept the injustices.
In November of this year the teachers at my younger children's school gave us a huge gift of clothing for our children. They knew we were struggling - we had to share the information with them because we were going to have to move and leave the school, taking our children but also no longer teaching music there (something we had been doing for the last three years). Without us even thinking of asking for any kind of support, they rallied together and gave our family this huge and generous gift that has been wonderful for all of my kids. I was reminded of this on Monday when Jasmyn came down to breakfast wearing a brand new summery t-shirt and reminded me that it was one of the gifts from the school.
I've written about their generosity before and the moving care we have experienced and witnessed at other times, as well. I was truly grateful for this gift as I am by others we have received. But I also found the acceptance of this care and generosity challenging.
Do you find it easy to be the recipient of care? Do you find it easy to be the recipient of generosity? I have to admit, I struggle almost as much with that kind of loving care when it comes in my direction as I do with all the injustices and inequalities we experience. I struggle with it in a different way, obviously. With injustices I can get righteously indignant, angry, and it inspires many of my rants on this blog. But when care and gifts come our way, I find myself often filled with something that is harder to express....I find myself feeling shame, or rather, an accute awareness of being given more than I deserve, more than I've earned. I am always aware that others are in greater need than I and that whatever gift is being offered would probably fill a greater need in others. I'm not proud of this reaction. I think it is something I need to work on and so I struggle to be grateful and to celebrate the care and generosity when it comes my way.
I also know that I am not alone in experiencing this as a challenge. Many of us struggle to learn how to receive gifts, generosity, and care graciously, with gratitude and a genuine joy at the blessings others bring us without our earning or working for them. We might see that allowing someone else to care for us is actually giving as well: it gives the other joy to be able to be generous, it gives another a sense of purpose and meaning to be able to serve or care for us. We might see this, but I think many of us feel we should be able to take care of ourselves and so when another does offer care, it feels shaming, like somehow we have failed in this basic goal of self-care. But the reality is that we are all interdependent. Today I might need you more than you need me, but tomorrow the reverse may be true. Daily we depend on others as we eat food others have grown, wear clothes others have made, drive on streets others have made in cars made by others. We depend on each other for our social needs as well. We need one another and there should be no shame in that.
It is also a reality that daily we are given the gifts of life, breath, sun, wind, without any effort or "earning" on our part. Life is grace. Life is blessing. And it is freely given. We don't feel shame about these gifts, usually because we fail to remember them, we take them for granted.
The goal, then, is to find that joy, celebration, awe, and gratitude for every blessing that comes our way: to learn not to take for granted the very breath we breathe, but also to accept with gratitude and joy the undeserved blessings brought by the people in our lives. Accepting grace is a challenge. But it is a challenge worth the work. Gratitude is a gift in itself and can inspire us to be generous and loving in return. Thanks be to God!
In November of this year the teachers at my younger children's school gave us a huge gift of clothing for our children. They knew we were struggling - we had to share the information with them because we were going to have to move and leave the school, taking our children but also no longer teaching music there (something we had been doing for the last three years). Without us even thinking of asking for any kind of support, they rallied together and gave our family this huge and generous gift that has been wonderful for all of my kids. I was reminded of this on Monday when Jasmyn came down to breakfast wearing a brand new summery t-shirt and reminded me that it was one of the gifts from the school.
I've written about their generosity before and the moving care we have experienced and witnessed at other times, as well. I was truly grateful for this gift as I am by others we have received. But I also found the acceptance of this care and generosity challenging.
Do you find it easy to be the recipient of care? Do you find it easy to be the recipient of generosity? I have to admit, I struggle almost as much with that kind of loving care when it comes in my direction as I do with all the injustices and inequalities we experience. I struggle with it in a different way, obviously. With injustices I can get righteously indignant, angry, and it inspires many of my rants on this blog. But when care and gifts come our way, I find myself often filled with something that is harder to express....I find myself feeling shame, or rather, an accute awareness of being given more than I deserve, more than I've earned. I am always aware that others are in greater need than I and that whatever gift is being offered would probably fill a greater need in others. I'm not proud of this reaction. I think it is something I need to work on and so I struggle to be grateful and to celebrate the care and generosity when it comes my way.
I also know that I am not alone in experiencing this as a challenge. Many of us struggle to learn how to receive gifts, generosity, and care graciously, with gratitude and a genuine joy at the blessings others bring us without our earning or working for them. We might see that allowing someone else to care for us is actually giving as well: it gives the other joy to be able to be generous, it gives another a sense of purpose and meaning to be able to serve or care for us. We might see this, but I think many of us feel we should be able to take care of ourselves and so when another does offer care, it feels shaming, like somehow we have failed in this basic goal of self-care. But the reality is that we are all interdependent. Today I might need you more than you need me, but tomorrow the reverse may be true. Daily we depend on others as we eat food others have grown, wear clothes others have made, drive on streets others have made in cars made by others. We depend on each other for our social needs as well. We need one another and there should be no shame in that.
It is also a reality that daily we are given the gifts of life, breath, sun, wind, without any effort or "earning" on our part. Life is grace. Life is blessing. And it is freely given. We don't feel shame about these gifts, usually because we fail to remember them, we take them for granted.
The goal, then, is to find that joy, celebration, awe, and gratitude for every blessing that comes our way: to learn not to take for granted the very breath we breathe, but also to accept with gratitude and joy the undeserved blessings brought by the people in our lives. Accepting grace is a challenge. But it is a challenge worth the work. Gratitude is a gift in itself and can inspire us to be generous and loving in return. Thanks be to God!
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2 comments:
AMEN!!! I often have the same challenge!
Oh B what a challenge, indeed! Funny how we in this work are able to give but have the worst time receiving - and yet so much about this journey is simply receiving the gift of grace, yes? Being fed at a table we didn't create and sometimes don't even deserve to be at...
I will be writing more about this over the next few months but my spiritual director in Cleveland - Fr. Jim O'Donnell - had me practice sitting in quiet prayer for months sensing that I was resting in the hands of God. Not speaking anything - not asking or thinking - but learning to experience resting in the gift of God's loving presence. It took me almost 2 months but... when I realized it was happening - and true - and it took me a while before I realized it - I began to change from the inside out and found it easier and easier to be given gifts both large and small.
Keep on, dear sister, it is the right path.
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