Our first snow day!

School has been canceled today. Everything has been canceled today, this time not because of the cold but because of the snow. It's kind of nice, I have to say, watching all these big beautiful flakes falling from the sky and having a forced day in which we have to stay inside. We never had this good an excuse in CA to just stay inside and watch movies and play games and puzzles, and cuddle up with hot cocoa in front of the fire, and maybe make cookies. I could still get some work done, I suppose. But nah, this is my first snow day! And I'm going to enjoy it.

Are we our roles?

Okay, one more story about how us "pastor" folk are perceived. I went to a b-day party today that my son was invited to. It was good because I connected with a couple other parents, which I've been really wanting to do, and I hope that maybe I can begin to build some relationships with people in the community. But it was once again a reminder of why I usually hesitate when people ask me what I do for a living.

I met one woman who immediately opened up to me about the struggles she was having economically and the rough times she was going through. Then she asked me what I did for a living. When I told her, her whole language about her life changed, as well as her body positioning and how she looked when she talked. She was very quick to tell me that she attended church every Sunday and even taught Sunday school. Then she started talking about how important it is to "count your blessings" and not focus on the bad because "everything happens for a reason" and "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." For those of you who know me, you know those phrases are some of my favorites (note the sarcasm), but I didn't feel the Inflatable Fun House was the appropriate place to jump into a theological exhortation on why it isn't God who doles out our hardships and so therefore sometimes people do get more than they can handle; or why I don't think children are raped "for a reason" or that people are destroyed by wars "for a reason", etc, etc, etc.. I just listened as her whole language and the way she carried herself (a little like a guilty child, a little like someone defending her behavior and explaining why she wasn't bad) made me feel increasingly uneasy. I tried to change the subject. I tried to give her a dose of the real person that I am, but I know that it takes time, once the "uh oh, I'm talking to a pastor" thought has entered into someone's head. I want people to know what I do, first because it is part of my job to bring people from the community to the church. One way to do that is for them to meet a real person who is the pastor and realize I'm not going to judge or condemn them (which many people fear is a pastor's real job). Secondly, my job does reflect who I am at a most basic level: a person of faith who loves and strives to live that faith in every aspect of my life. But I often wish that we didn't begin every conversation with the "what do you do" piece.

In my last job it was much easier to say I was a musician and allow people to know me like that before telling them I was also a pastor. I could wait until we were in a place (not a jumpy house) where I could talk to them about what assumptions they should be careful about making when they heard that I was a "pastor". It is not as easy here, where I am not working as a musician. Also, it can look a little funny when you hide what you do for awhile. People don't know how to take that. So I continue to search for a way in which to talk about my work that does not scare people, does not threaten people, does not set up people in a defensive place before they have a chance to know me.

Every job has its challenges. This is one of mine. It's an interesting challenge, at least: to stay real, to stay true, to strive to build relationships outside the church while also being honest about my work. Others have similar challenges in your jobs. We are not our roles, we are not our jobs. But it can be hard to see that.

So we strive to meet those challenges. And we strive to make sure that we don't do the same to others - make assumptions about their beings based on the work they do, or anything else for that matter.

What are we telling our children?

I took Aislynn and Jonah to library time for the first time today here in Olmsted Falls. It was....interesting, to say the least. Most of it was fine, though the leader was unable to engage my two children, who clung to me (yes, even my outgoing Aislynn) for most of the time. But the last of the three books she chose to read to the children really kind of boggled my mind. It was a book about how animals need to eat too. Okay, so far so good. But it was a song that the leader first read and then played on tape whose words were basically, "The crocodile sneaks up on those baby ducks who are just trying to play and who don't know what's coming and then gobble, gobble, gobbles them up and oooh! They tasted good! And if you were a crocodile, you'd think those baby ducks would taste good too! Yum, yum!" I looked around at the children, all of whom were staring wide-eyed, some with fear in their eyes, some with tears in their eyes and wondered what on earth would possess someone to put these words to a cheery up-beat tune, and what on earth would then possess someone else to think this was an appropriate book to read to three year olds!

I'm not against talking to children about the basics of life. It is a reality that animals eat other animals and most people eat animals, too. But I would never pretend that it is a happy thing that baby ducks who have just begun their lives and are also trying to survive get "gobbled up" by predators who find them delicious! What is the message in that?

I think there are better ways of talking to kids about the realities of life, about the circle of life. Many Native American cultures honor the lives of those animals that died in order to provide food, and they use every part of an animal that's been killed, recognizing that the life is less "wasted" if it all goes for good use. I think this is a really beautiful way of looking at the cycle of life. It needs to be treated with reverence, with seriousness, with respect for each life. Making it into a kind of "isn't this fun that baby ducks get gobbled up by crocodiles!" makes life cheap - or at least the lives of those baby ducks. The cycle of life, of big eating small, is a reality. In many cases it is a necessity that some get eaten so that others may live. But it is not "fun" or "funny." To treat it as fun or funny does not honor or respect those who die, whether they are little animals or big people.

At least it led to good conversations with my kids about our values around life....a conversation I didn't expect to have, but one worth having, none the less.

A heat wave?

It is now 35 degrees outside. It is a "heat wave" before the "real freeze" (because apparently the -13 degrees with -35 degree wind chill was not the "real freeze" yet), and the amazing thing is that I've actually gotten enough used to the cold that seeing everyone running around in t-shirts seems perfectly normal and reasonable. I even took off my coat and just had a sweat-shirt on. Never thought I would feel this way in 35 degree weather, but one does acclimate. Another amazing thing to note! Here are some more snow pictures of the kids.

Confronting racism

Of course the inauguration was wonderful. I cried through the whole thing. But I think my favorite part was the benediction given by Rev. Lowery. Here is a link to the transcript as published by the Washington Post. The part that moved me the most, though, was the following which I'm just going to paste here as a quote:

"Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day

when black will not be asked to get in back,

when brown can stick around...

when yellow will be mellow...
when the red man can get ahead, man;
and when white will embrace what is right.
That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen."

Let us, in all that we do, not just hope for that day, though hope is necessary; not just vote for others who will help us bring that day, though God knows we must begin there; but also, in all that we do, to work for that day: treating each person as the child of God that each person is, seeing each person with the unique gifts they each bring, giving respect and honor to each individual as a matter of course, and working for the justice, the rights, the needs and the opportunities that each person should be given just by being born into the human family, God's family, our family.

Does it matter whether or not it literally happened?

I was thinking this morning about literal interpretation of scripture. I was thinking about it because we were talking about the book "the Shack", a book I really enjoyed, though there were parts of it I theological disagreed with. One of those parts is the point at which the author is discussing the Adam and Eve story and says it really was a literal, historic event. But as I was thinking about the book, I realized that while the issue of whether or not parts of the Bible are literal and historical used to matter to me a great deal, it just plain doesn't anymore. "It is not an interesting question" I found myself thinking, quoting Luc in French Kiss. There is a YouTube clip from that movie that I will try to include here for your own enjoyment.



Not to put down those for whom this is still important. But I find that the only way in which it is still important to me is that when people get stuck in the literalness or historicity of a biblical story, they often miss the awesome and astonishing depth at which these stories can be understood if looked at from a metaphorical position. Otherwise, why does it matter?

For example, does it matter if Jonah really got swallowed by a large fish? Why does it matter? How does it matter? The story tells us that God calls us, and if we run from that call, God catches us and protects us but also holds us accountable to our true calling, holds us to being the people we are called to be, wants for us the wholeness that comes with following our true natures. That is just one layer of understanding in this story. There are many, many others as well. But if we get caught up in the details and the "did this really happen or not?" question, we will miss these depths. We will miss trying to see how this applies to our lives. We will miss reading it for the layers and the new insights that can come with repeated and in depth looks at the mythology behind these stories. The story becomes just an historic account (or not) - a strange tale about an unhappy prophet. The debate about its historicity becomes a cause for arguments and dissensions. The story becomes a battle ground for theological differences, rather than a place of wisdom and insights that apply to our lives today.

It just doesn't matter whether or not it really happened. "That is a question of a little girl who believes in fairy tales" to quote the movie, again. What matters is whether or not you will listen for the story's wisdom. What matters is if there is insight in the story that speaks to you. What matters is if you can hear God's voice speaking through these mythologies in a way that will change you. What matters is that you are open in your journey to learning, to living, to loving, with God by your side.

Even colder?!!

So, my weather gadget is telling me that it is -13 degrees outside, with windchill of -30. Good grief! That explains why we can't actually warm up the house (the heater is pumping all the time, but it is still just barely at 59 degrees) or the water (took a luke-warm shower today - that was fun!). Not sure I have any wisdom about this today. Just amazement that these kinds of temperatures are possible South of Canada. This is truly an adventure. School was canceled for the kids today (not safe to go from bus to school, from school to bus), so we will have to figure out stuff to do indoors today!!! How's curling up next to a warm fire with a hot mug of cocoa, some good books or maybe a movie sound? Not a bad way to spend some time.

Cold enough for you?

As I write this, it is 0 degree outside. Yes, zero degrees. It is supposed to get lower than that today - dropping to -5 degrees. According to the weather experts, though, with the wind-chill factor, it will get as low as -23 today, which is, according to the news, "extremely dangerous!" I believe it. So we spent the wee hours of the early morning (and I mean wee hours: our children's bus picks them up at 7:15, so before waking them up this morning) checking to see if our kids' school was closed. Most of the schools around here are closed, but not theirs, not today. So, although the bus stop is only two duplex houses away from ours, Mark packed them into the van to drive them to the corner to wait for the bus. Seems insane to me, but you can't be out there for more than ten minutes without potentially getting frost-bite, especially with the wind chill factor around here. I used to think that anything under 60 degrees felt cold, but this is a whole new reality! Here are some pictures from last week when it was 20 degrees - a much more manageable and really hardly cold at all- temperature.

But as interesting (!) as this is personally, I've been thinking this morning about the homeless population out here. Yes, there is a homeless population out here; people for whom Cleveland is home and who therefore would never go anywhere else. And while there is some shelter, there isn't enough. This is the time when a lot of homeless out here die of exposure, die of hypothermia, die of frostbite that spreads and causes problems.

In the San Francisco Bay Area we worry about the cold temperatures for our homeless in the winter, and we should. Those cold temperatures, occasionally dropping below freezing (or below 32 degrees) are dangerous and extremely hard on the homeless. So when I think about the homeless facing temperatures like today, I am really struck by the absolute seriousness of their situation. And I am amazed by what we allow our fellow humans to suffer through.

I invite you today to pray for our homeless. And then to allow your prayers to move you into action, doing something, whether it be contributing money, clothes, or thinking big about becoming involved in your community in a way that can make sure there is enough shelter for all people in times like this (or even all the time!), that will help, that will make a difference. I will do the same. I just can't imagine having to being out there today without possibility of shelter; and no one else should either.

The gifts that surround us

I woke up upset this morning. There are a lot of reasons why, maybe some of them are good, though then again, maybe not. Our new renter's first check bounced, costing us money because our bank charged us a fee plus I was counting on that money so it's possible that some of the checks I wrote will now also bounce. This isn't a good start to our relationship with our renter. And that doesn't even take into account the possibility that he may never pay us a good check, which means starting the eviction process, again with money we don't have, as well as trying to find a new renter. Additionally, I woke up unhappy because of an ego issue involving a 'friend' who is good at putting down the work I have done in the past. Even recognizing his lack of expertise in this particular area has not helped me much. I had a bad dream that also didn't help. I could go on, but I don't think it will be helpful and it misses the point.

The point is, that I woke up really cranky this morning and I came out into the family room and kitchen in a foul mood, only to be greeted by these three amazing, smiling, happy, loving children who all ran up with hugs and smiles, pointing outside to the ever-deepening snow, which excites them a great deal. Their warmth melted my icy anger. It forced me to remember what is important. I know finances feel important, and at some practical level they are. I know the way people treat one another also feels important, and at a very real level it is too. But there is a level even deeper than that. A level at which the gift of life is so amazing that it surpasses any difficulty or challenge we may be facing. New life, young life, reminds me of that. The snow, covering dormant life, reminds me of that. The smiles that delight in just BEING remind me of that. We are blessed by every breath we take. We are blessed by every laugh we hear. We are blessed by every hug we feel. We are blessed by every opportunity to laugh and hug and share life in return. We are blessed to be alive!!! Thanks be to God.

More on simple living

As I mentioned two blogs ago, simple living is more than just cutting back on "stuff". It also involves cutting back on other forms of clutter: not cluttering our minds with all sorts of miscellaneous thoughts; not cluttering our hearts with envy, comparisons, greed; not cluttering our lives with so many activities that we can no longer see the big picture.

Choosing to live simply in this way is also very hard to do. When we are active and busy, we can ignore uncomfortable feelings, unresolved personal problems, and lack of direction in our lives. It is also easier to ignore the suffering in the world or to feel we have to take any responsibility for it with our personal choices or our actions.

But for most people, I think that finally catches up with us. When we are sick, for example, and unable to run around, we may find ourselves not only filled with a physical illness but bombarded with feelings and even an emptiness that we can't name. At the end of a person's life, we know that too many times there are regrets, regrets that might have been avoided if the person had just slowed down, simplified enough to listen to the inner voices that call us to move in a new or different direction. At points in a person's life sometimes there is a sense of pointlessness looking back, opportunities missed to help others, to help the world. Again, opportunities that if we lived more simply we might have seen or heard or noticed.

It is a paradox of life that when we live more simply, we are better able to see the big picture of the world's needs, sorrows and our ability to make a difference. But it is a reality. It takes the time and energy of slowing down, it takes the commitment to stop and look around you, it takes simplifying to see the complexity that is our world and to strive to do something to help move it towards wholeness.

There are so many things we can do to help the world and almost all of it also involves simplifying our lives:

1. Use less resources: waste less, destroy less trees by using less paper products, recycle more, reuse more.
2. Buy domestic: wasting less gas and fuel, supporting local farmers, encouraging in-country self-sufficiency.
3. Walk more: again, using less fuel, getting exercise, breathing the air.
4. Watch less TV: spend more time on your family, on learning, on BEing rather than drowning out the thoughts and feelings of this world with noise.
5. Stop addictions: cutting back on things like coffee (or chocolate!) and deciding instead to use that money as a pledge to help others, giving to a favorite charity, helping someone on the street, giving a gift to a child.

That's probably enough for today. Those are my challenges to myself today. I need to slow down, to look around, to remember the big picture and to help someone else. Good goals that will not only serve the world, but will serve each of us doing these as well.
in peace,
Barbara

There's a black hole in our house

There is a black hole in our new house. The first week here I was wearing a beautiful scarf my sister knit for me and one day when I woke up the scarf was gone. I remembered having it at church, and then I was home and the scarf isn’t at church, isn’t at home and isn’t in the van. Then last night I went with a parishioner out to coffee. As I was leaving the café, I dropped my hat, which she picked up, and handed to me; and as I sat in her car, I debated about putting the hat on or just carrying it. I also remember debating about it as I walked up the drive to our house - should I put it on just for the 20 feet up the drive way? This morning the hat was gone. Mark had the e-mail addresses of our kids' teachers on a slip of paper this morning...it is gone. And we were given $400 worth of gift cards and personal checks for Christmas - all of it gone. The slip of paper we can replicate. But the hand-knitted scarf was priceless, the hat was an absolute necessity in this weather and we desperately needed that money right now. All of it gone, gone, gone. We’ve torn the house apart, now four times, looking for these things. This is a small house and there really isn’t a place any of these could be hiding. They really are gone and so now I need to figure out how to stay warm, how to grieve the hand-made gift and how to let go of the money we really needed in a graceful way.

But as I think about living simply, I feel that these may be ways I am being called to let go of certain things that, again, I think I "need". The scarf was wonderful, but I have other constant reminders of my sister's love, including a memory of the many, many times I wore that scarf. Perhaps I don't need the tangible object to remind me of her love and care. The money would be good, but again, I will live without it, something many people could not do who had lost that much money. Warmth is an important thing, but the truth is I can find other ways to keep warm - I have other scarves, some of which have small "hoods", I can borrow a hat, or I can learn to do without or to find other ways of keeping warm with the things I already have. This is a good lesson for me. Not a comfortable one, but one that challenges and calls me to be better and to live closer to my values.

At the same time, I will also be working hard to find the black hole in our house so we don’t keep losing things down it!!

Living Simply that Others may simply live

I've been thinking about the idea of simple living. It is a goal that I strive for, which for me has a lot to do with not consuming or spending so much, but instead, using the resources that we have which are beyond what is needed towards the care of others. But the reality is that simple living is not easy. It is also not as simple as just owning less stuff, though that conversation is for another blog.

For today I want to talk about just the "stuff" part of simple living. And I have to say that part of the challenge of simple living is that it is hard to see, at times, what is really needed vs. what is an extra, a luxury, something we can do without so that we can give to the care of others.

At a most basic level we need food, water, shelter, clothing. And there is an ideal part of me that feels that until everyone has these basic needs met, no one really has the right to anything beyond that. What right do I have to toys such as CD players and cameras and TVs and a big house when there are people who are starving to death? I believe God is pretty clear about that. The answer would be "none!"

But then our human justifications kick in. I couldn't really do my job well if I didn't have a computer (for example) and an internet connection. I couldn't do my job well if I didn't have music and books to teach and to play. If I lived an ascetic life, maybe I couldn't have the respect I'd need to do my job well. And of course I need a car to get around. I need to be able to dress well for my job. And of course I need my job or I would just be adding to the poverty of the world rather than helping ease the little that I do with the resources I share...

But I think those really are just human justifications for the sin of some having lots and lots and lots while others have nothing at all. And I think almost everyone (with the exception of some monks of various faiths and philosophies and some other amazing people) falls prey to the inner "wants" that we so easily mistake for needs.

Mark and I are trying to cut back some, to simplify, to purge a bit. I admit, it is really out of financial necessity at this point and not something more noble. But, whatever the cause, we have moved from a house that many would consider small, but that people (especially in some other parts of the world) would undoubtedly consider quite large (it's all relative, isn't it?) into a condo that is definitely smaller, without a living room or separate dining room. It doesn't really change the quality of our lives much to be in this smaller place with the exception that it is a little more challenging to have to search in the garage for any of our music books (which just plain don't fit in the house), and we lose the luxury of having our stereo set up (again, there just isn't room for it in the house). We've also cut down to one vehicle for the five of us, which, while a logistics challenge, does save the money for the insurance, etc. And as I reflect on the fact that it doesn't change the quality of our lives much, I wonder where else we can cut back, what else we can do to simplify our lives a bit. Where can we take from our luxuries and give so that others who have little might have a little more?

Recognizing that giving things up, that cutting back, is not easy it's been a good exercise and one I hope will continue. We still have a whole garage full of stuff to go through....

Next post I'll talk about other ways to simplify.

Snow!

It really is beautiful here. I'm not a fan of being cold, but I have to say it really is beautiful! Here are our first glimpses of snow from the house we are renting. No matter what I am feeling or fearing, God's painting of this world beautiful always brings me back to center. It is a privilege to see this landscape at this time.

Gender Inequality

So, it has already begun. We went out with a very nice, very well meaning new parishioner the other day who introduced us as "our new pastor and his family." She said it twice, to two different people, at two different times, so I wasn't able to dismiss it as a fluke or as a forgetful moment or any of the rest. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. Surprised enough that I said nothing. What could I say? "Actually, we are co-pastors" makes it sound like I have ego issues involved in this (not denying that I do, but I don't want to advertise that), and doesn't sell us well as pastors (unfortunately, selling yourself is part of the job, I've learned, especially as our churches are declining).

But it got me thinking about gender inequality again. I had two majors in college - psychology and cultural anthropology and I took a lot of classes on social inequality. One was an anthropology of education class taught by an amazing and brilliant African American man. One of the things that always struck me was his analysis of how the culture moves to accept different races/ethnicities/cultures vs. how it moves to accept the non-dominant gender. He created a graph that basically said, looking strictly at black and white (forgive the non PC use of these terms right now - I'm copying directly what he said and this was twenty years ago), male and female: how laws and acceptance works. He wrote:
White man
Black man
White woman
Black woman

This was the order in which society gives rights, gives privilege, gives respect, passes laws to insure fairness and equality. Obviously this is simplified and doesn't even begin to look at other things like sexual orientation or the fact that there are not just two ethnic backgrounds but many, many, many.

But just looking at this chart, the proof of this was multiple: the black man got the vote before woman. We now have racial laws that do not allow discrimination because of culture or color, but the ERA never passed. We will have our first black president in a few weeks, not a woman president. etc.

I look around and I see that we have progressed a long way, but the fact remains that despite laws and years of civil rights work there is still a great deal of racial prejudice. So it should not surprise me that the inequalities in the way men and women are treated also continue.

Why is it so hard for people to treat each other person as the person they are rather than as a person with categories of acceptability (young/old, woman/man, Euro-American/African-American/Asian American/undocumented person/person with accent, etc, etc., heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual/transgendered, tall/short, fat/thin, pretty/plain, etc.)? Why is it so hard to start with respecting the other and striving to know who each person is as a unique individual?

People think in categories. It helps us to try to contain the information in our world into categories we think we can understand. Of course these limit - they limit what we allow for other people, and they limit our ability to really see and therefore really grow. But they are a way of trying to contain the complexity of our world and put it into something manageable that we know how to relate to, can understand, know how to interact with.

My challenge for all of us today is to try to be more open and less "boxing" with our worldview. To strive to see each person as a person, not one or more categories; to be open to being surprised by each person, despite the groups they belong to; to expect the unexpected and look for the good in everyone.

For me, I am sitting in a mode of appreciation for the gift of my last eight and a half years of work: being in a place where both pastors were women, the senior was a woman of color who treated me as an equal rather than a subordinate, despite my designation as "associate." I hope to carry that gift into all of my work, wherever I go. I will stand on it to strengthen me in this new time. The challenge of facing some stereotyping here or anywhere is also a gift - the gift of an opportunity to learn and to teach, and so I hope it will strengthen me to be a gracious teacher in all situations of prejudice: challenging the status quo what-ever prejudice rears, but doing so with a sense of humility rather than defensiveness.

Blessings on this new year!